Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person - Alain de Botton



  • Turn Rage into Grief
  • What lies behind Rage? Scratch surface of every angry person you will find hope
  • Wild optimism drives Rage, Reckless faith of hope, Turbocharging the Rage
  • Diminish Hope around Love
  • All of us will not manage to find the right person but Good Enough person and that's Success
  • We are very strange, We don't know very much about Strangeness
  • Ex-Loves Vital Source of Knowledge
  • All of us addicts, not in terms of substance, Pattern of behavior
  • Addicted as long as it keeps us away from yourself
  • Technology / Distractions make us addicts
  • Disaster until you know yourself
  • Love requires us to approach and convey I need to you
  • The impulse to be strong, defend, Anxiously attached, Nasty, Procedural
  • Avoidant - Pretend you don't when you need, Don't reveal need for other person, Cycle of low trust
  • Everyone is a small child inside 'I need you'
  • We don't know 'How to Love'
  • Love is a skill, Feelings will lead to mistakes
  • Loving vs Being Loved (the Fun bit)
  • To Love (Have the willingness to apply charity and generosity of interpretation)
  • Our behaviors are tricky
  • Anyone will be a mixture of good and bad
  • Parental situations help children learn about relationships
  • Do not divide people, Everyone whom we love will disappoint us
  • Maturity is the ability to see there are no Heros or Sinners
  • Psychological maturity - Anyone whom we love is a mixture of good and bad
  • Love - Toleration of weakness
  • Way to find a good partner is to follow your heart 
  • Reasoning / Analyzing is also important
  • Love also bounds upon childhood sufferings
  • We find partners who will be familiar
  • We want to make someone suffer who will make us suffer for love
  • The more right for us less we need to explain (Child and parent love)
  • Without having said in words
  • Understood wordlessly
  • Sulking (We suck with people who we feel should understand us)
  • We reserve for people who trigger a negative reaction in us
  • We want them to read our souls
  • Catastrophy for lasting relationships
  • Root to marriage - Become a teacher
  • The culture within a couple to teach each other
  • Full articulation of what we are is to accept another person will educate us
  • Criticism wrong word for a better version of yourself
  • Good Enough!!!
  • None of us are perfect
  • To be in company, negotiate imperfection everyday
  • Compatability is an achievement of love
  • Change how you characteristically respond to tricky types
  • Recognise ability of compromise
  • Ability to compromise for love life
  • Marry the wrong person and make mistakes because you are human

Live Relationships , Talk Often, Love the Flaws, Live Today !!!

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